Inspiration

I have been waiting for this day to come. It was sort of my first time giving up something for lent. I didn’t think that I would actually make it through entire lent season. I was so proud of myself that I was able to do it. I did sort of run into temptations here and there, but during those moments was when I immediately talked to God, and I asked him to take the temptations away from me. But, most importantly this day is really important because our Lord Jesus Christ has risen, he is alive!. I am so thankful for all the struggles and pain that he went through for us. I am sure none of us can even imagine how painful it has been for him. I am really thankful for all of the things that he did for us and died for us on that cross. I am not a perfect Christian, I am a sinner and I make careless mistakes. Every time I realize the wrong things that I have done, I feel extremely guilty and that is the point where I start to feel very hopeless and worthless with my life. I sometimes can’t forgive myself with some of the things that I have done. But God has reminded me that Jesus has paid it all already, as long as I repent it is already done. I need to continue to move on from there and stop dwelling in my mistakes and past. It has been an humbling experience for me. I basically spent more time in prayer and reading the bible and God has spoken through me in many different ways.  He still loves us no matter how dirty and sinful we are. God has reminded me how to love him fully and completely by loving my family and friends more. At many times I felt very lonely. I feel like there was no one around me to support me spiritually, and emotionally. But God has shown me to love and reach out to my family and friends first before I start focusing on my needs. God will reveal his love to me through others. My heart needed to be focused on God alone. I realized that everything that was in my heart was focused on myself. I have learned how to put God first as my first priority. I need to love God first and continue to put my faith into action. God has reminded me with so many things during this season of lent. I am now in the process of spending more time in prayer and reading his word. I need to do it with sincere heart by also praying for others. God will work in me continuously in that way. It has been an blessing experience for me, I should do this more often. Happy Easter to you all. May your days be filled with blessing along the way. Remember what Jesus has done for you, and always be thankful. Rejoice in your suffering because that’s what Jesus did for us. God Bless You all

Ahh…I can’t believe it 14 more days until lent will be over!~ ahhh…I miss being on facebook so much and I am in desperate need of wanting to eat some meat hehehe. 

I just found out that my youth pastor/College pastor is leaving. I was actually shocked to hear about this because it was kind of unexpected. He is one of the pastor that I learned so much from. He was like a true spiritual mentor for me when I was a teenager growing up. I actually was the one who use to bug him so much when I was in youth group. Looking back how annoying I was to him makes me laugh sometimes. I am sure going to miss him because he is the pastor that I am always blessed with. God is using him in so many ways to reach out to youth, college age group, and kids. God is using him to do bigger things in his life. God sees that the children in other countries are in need and he is using him to reach out to them. I am happy for him but then I will miss him. I will definitely miss his cute little daughter. Despite the fact that she doesn’t like me. But I will still miss her. When she grows up I am sure she will be just like her father. I can see the love that is growing in his family. God is using him more in miraculous ways. God Bless him! I will miss you. I am glad that I still have few more months with him before he leaves for good.

I failed miserably this week. I kind of broke my fast by eating some type of meats like sea food for example. I felt very bad for breaking it because I hung out with some friends over the break. So it has been hard to keep up with it. Every where I went it had meat it was very hard to keep my self committed to the fast I decided to do. But I will definitely go back to it next week until it is over. But I am proud to say that I made it half way through!. Just 23 more days left to go. I want to say that I am learning how to be discipline and I am learning how to use my time more wisely, by doing more important things first. I use to use other things to replace facebook. But now I am keeping myself occupied with school work, sunday school prep, and QTS. It has been an blessing and humbling experience for me. My relationship with God is growing, and I have been more liberated. I am bound by his love and grace which is amazing. I am glad that I decided to do this fast. It’s hard but yet I am persevering through.

Jesus, I am reaching
Im longing for You now
To meet me in my weakness
And heal me with Your power
I wanna see You
Open up my eyes
I wanna see You tonight
Jesus, I am ready
To leave the past behind
But Im still hesitating
Oh, to let go in my mind
Im fighting with confusion
And Im drowning in my sin
I thought I knew the answers
But Im left unsatisfied within

This song by Matt Brouwer speaks right through me. This is exactly how I feel about my spiritual life. I am so confused that I am fighting with confusion and I am drowning and dwelling in my sin and struggles. I really thought that I knew the answer but I am left unsatisfied.